Stop the Bandwagons, ESPN [Endorsing Sports People's Nomenclature]

If you haven't heard of the NBA's most recent Asian invasion, better known as Jeremy Lin, then you need to check your sandals at the door before entering this dojo.  I'm not a die-hard NBA fan, but I do appreciate a good story when I see one, especially one that has trouble seeing me back [-.-].  Anyways, this kid is ridiculous.  He's blowing up the Twitter-verse, making world news headlines, and surprisingly enough, ESPN is practically sucking him off with every chance they get [not at all surprising].

Most of the daily shows aired on ESPN (be it First Take, Around the Horn, or Sports Center) make it a point to discuss the popular stories, big plays, or current events surrounding the sports world.  But whenever some phenom comes along like Jeremy Lin or Tim Tebowner, ESPN shows their true colors: playing favorites.  Don't get me wrong, Jeremy Lin's "kimono to riches" story makes for a fantastic headLINe and LINteresting read.

Just to give you some background on the Asian sensation: he was born somewhere in Asia; then moved to the US because his dad was good with computers and/or math; then he set the world record for finishing the Rubik's cube blindfolded with his hands tied behind his back; then he went to Harvard; then he didn't get drafted; then he got signed to the Knick's D-league affiliate; then he scored 20-something points in his first ever start; now he is famous.  All of that was learned from an hour or so watching ESPN [Rubik's cube story is mine]. 

ESPN loves to tell a proper feel good story like this one.  Then keep telling it.  Then tell it some more.  Then tell it a few more times.  Then re-tell it.  Granted, I'm sure ESPN isn't the only network that is known to beat a dead horse [Animal Planet also known for this].  It is just truly tiresome when I turn on my TV, switch it to ESPN and hear the same name a hundred times.  It makes ESPN almost LINpossible to watch.  See, there I go using their termLINology.  The reason I bring this up is because I hate Tim Tebow and ESPN made me hate Tim Tebow even more than I had already hated Tim Tebow.  I have no reason to hate anybody, really.  No one should ever hate another person, especially one whom you've never even met.  But I don't follow these guidelines.  I don't play by these rules.  I hate Tim Tebow and if ESPN doesn't cool it on the Lin favoritism, I will soon hate him.

Keeping on this topic [thanks, ESPN], I have compiled a list of my top 10 favorite athletes and ESPN personalities to hate [list is subject to change, depending on the season]:


10.) Dick Vitale. I used to be a big fan of his until I started following this hysterical bandwagoner on Twitter. He tries so hard to be unbiased in his assessment of NCAA basketball but it inevitably ends with him fellating Coach Calipari or Coach K.

9.) Kris Humphries. Man, did you screw the pooch. No really, that was Kim's nickname when she was banging BBCs and making sex tapes. I hate you for turning ESPN into E! News. And you're not very good at basketball. 

8.) Kobe Bryant. I don't know if I necessarily hate Kobe Bryant but he did rape a girl so I figured that was enough probable cause to establish some sort of animosity towards him. Hot wife, though.

7.) Jay Cutler. This one really doesn't have much connection with ESPN, but more so to do with his fans (most of whom are my best friends). I mean he's engaged to a B-list celebrity who was relevant to high school girls for being the slutty one on Laguna Beach.  He's really not that interesting, folks.

6.) Skip Bayless. I know it is part of his "image" to be perceived as a brash, relentless, and unforgiving journalist, but go fuck yourself, Skip. You are the king of bandwagons and a Tim Tebow apologist. For this, I hate you.    

5.) Brett Favre.  You'd think after retiring, then re-retiring, then re-re-retiring, he'd get sick of the spotlight.  Instead, his name is always popping up on ESPN with speculation of his return.  Find someone new to stalk on a daily basis.
 
4.) Lou Holtz. Give me a break ESPN. If I wanted to watch a grey-haired, senile, 80-year-old nut case with a lisp I would buy the complete DVD collection of the "Beverly Hillbillies". He has absolutely no insight, and is bat-shit crazy.

3.) Mark Schlereth. If you don't know who he is, then you're a lucky son of a bitch. This life-sized bobble head is like your uncle at Thanksgiving. He keeps telling the same stories over and over, but no one really gives a shit what he's saying.

2.) Tim Tebow. I don't buy his God fearing, religious nonsense, nor do I think he is even a half-decent NFL quarterback. I do, however, think it's fucked up that he voluntarily circumcised children in the Philippines.  Guess he has to get action from somewhere.
  
1.) LeBron James. This one is a given. Any person that voluntarily drags themselves into the spotlights and drama of ESPN is just asking, no begging, to be hated.  He's an egotistical, self-righteous, backstabbing piece of shit. Plus, he's ring-less. What's to like about a guy who can't win the big ones?











I'm sure most will disagree with my list, but these are my opinions and twelve times out of ten my opinions matters more than yours.  If I cared about which athletes or ESPN personalities you hated I would read your blog [hint: I don't]. But because you read mine, thank you.


HAPPY FRIDAY, FRIENDS!