Below is a short, well brief, explanation of who I am and what I’m here for [insert original joke regarding my physical stature here].
I am a young man with an old soul. Writing is some kind of a therapy to me, although nothing will ever cure my ADHD. I live at my parents house. Let me rephrase that: my parents are my roommates. If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends badgered me about living at home I would have enough dollars to hire a hit-man to assassinate each of them. But my response to them is simply this: my meals are warm, my laundry is laundered, and my butt is wiped promptly when needed.
Sure, you could say my friends are ass holes. But I wouldn’t be nearly the guy I am today if it wasn’t for the ass-holiest bunch of ass hole friends another ass hole could ask for. So here’s to you, ass holes, for inspiring me to share my creativity and humor to the world [or just my Twitter followers].
I hope my writing is enjoyable and fulfilling, for it is meant to fill your eyes with tears, your hearts with laughter, and your underwear with pee. I’m starting to paint a pretty graphic picture here, so just fucking enjoy it, ok? Don’t forget to laugh.
[And no, I do not have a certain affection towards rectal orifices]
