Nothing as It Seems

I don’t exactly know why I am creating a blog. I have no special interests, no strange story, no real talents to be quite honest with you [Whoever you may be]. I very well could be writing this for myself to look back on in 5 years and say, “Really, Brian? Really? What the fuck were you thinking creating a blog, Brian?”. Then again, maybe in 5 years I’ll be professionally blogging for some professional blog-blog and at that point I will pat myself on the back and flick you all off [Definitely not going to happen].

My influence for the [ ]’s by the way [they’re called brackets] is from a book I once perused called I Am America and So Can You by Stephen Colbert [If you are reading this, you are certainly capable of reading that]. In said book he uses the margin to add witty comments and euphemisms to sort of mock himself. I don’t know how else to describe them nor do I really care to but the bottom line is they are funny to me so they will be funny to you [Nod head in agreement].

Let’s begin. As a sophomore in high school, my Composition I teacher read a story of mine [that’s what composition teachers do, I guess]. The assignment was to write a descriptively descriptive story. We [me, us, my class] were to use multiple adjectives and adverbs to really convey our point and bring the story to life. Really, most kids just Thesaurus.com’d adjectives and adverbs but their stories still sucked. Except for mine [I know, easy on the italics] [[I know, easy on the brackets]].

See, on the feedback I received from anonymous Composition I teacher, [You will find out why she is anonymous] anonymous Composition I teacher gave me a 100% and a note. The note read, [Comma here, right?] ”I have never given a 100% in my whole career as a teacher, but your story was truly emotional and one of the best I have ever read. You have a great talent and I thank you for sharing with me this work of art.” Ok, maybe that’s not exactly what she wrote, but fucking close. And keep in mind she was about my age at the time and had been teaching for maybe 2 years [So, not exactly a whole career]. Nonetheless, that bitch gave me a 100%. Fast forward 4 years or so. I come to find out this Composition I teacher [Who so happened to be my favorite teacher after that A+] was involved in a sexual relationship with a student. FUCK! All my writing credibility was lost. Or at this grand juncture was it found? [Credibility most likely lost and/or never existed].

I’ll let you, the reader, decide. Whoever the fuck you might be. Maybe you’re my friends. Maybe you’re strangers. Maybe you’re anonymous Composition I teacher. Maybe you’re my mom [I hope it’s not you, Mom].

Side note: Mom, if you are reading this, I apologize for my language, I owe $5 dollars in the "Swear Jar".

Psych! There is no "Swear Jar". And if there is one, I’m not paying SHIT!

So there it is. There’s my first blog post. I don’t know where to go from here. Do I shake your hand for reading? Perhaps an awkward one-arm hug? Just stay tuned, I’ll be funnier and more grammatically correct next time.