Seriously Funny

So I had a revelation the other day. And by "the other day" I mean twenty-six minutes ago. I'm thinking about getting serious.  Not like, down-on-one-knee and pop-the-question serious, but serious nonetheless.  I've spent countless hours with her and I know that we have a great thing going.  She lets me do basically whatever the fuck I want, all the while she keeps me in line.  It's a very healthy relationship and the give and take is almost reciprocal.  There's nothing more satisfying than putting in a full effort to please her and getting positive, raw, emotional feedback.  I'm speaking, of course, about this blog.

This blog [She] is my new hobby [Obsession].  I have quite the addictive personality, trust me [My friends are nodding their heads: yes, yes].  I have never been one to fully commit to anything, however. Except for maybe sports, my friends, and extra-curricular activities [Partying and bull-shit].  Truly, when it comes to anything not aforementioned, I've unfortunately been a pretty half-assed, on my own time, kind of guy.  Ask a past girlfriend and they will tell you exactly that [which explains why I'm single] [[Insert self-pity joke here]].

This is my Achilles heel.  This is my crown of thorns.  It makes me cringe when I think of all the things I could have, should have, or would have done.  But that is why life is so brutally awesome [Oxymoron, moron].  You get to make those mistakes just as long as you learn from them.  Just don't keep making those mistakes and say you're learning from them [I've made that mistake].  This blog is my way of committing, learning from the past, and having a say in my future [Seriousness ends... HERE]. 

I don't want this shit to get too serious because that ruins my whole image of being crude and heartless [Blog so hard/that shi cray].  Truly, I am serious when I need to be. Like now, for instance. A few weeks ago, my mom told me that I needed to find a "girlfriend". So, I looked her dead in the eyes and in the nicest way possible I told her, "Go fuck yourself." [I'm kiiiiidding].  But she did say that.  I took it as, "Brian, you're never going to find a nice young lady, so you might as well put all your eggs in one basket and start a blog."  Luckily, I'm not a female so I have ZERO eggs to fill my proverbial basket with.  I do, however, have a fantastic sense of humor and no remorse for anything or anyone [Again, kiiiiidding].  So that brings me here. 

If I've learned one thing over the course of my short life it is this: I am here to laugh and create laughs [Ok, 2 things really].   Also this: never eat Taco Bell unless you have set aside approximately 2 hours for yourself  to sit on the toilet [Poop jokes still good with this guy].   And also this: dentists will never learn to stop asking you questions with their hands in your mouth.  And this: I am now a better person from the mistakes I made. Whether it be running over that dumb cat on purpose, throwing someones microwave off the third floor balcony, or defacing W's "Popcorn 4 Two" bucket, I've learned to never make mistakes twice [Or make mistake twice if worthy of laughs].        

I don't have the foggiest idea where this damned blog thing will take me, nor do I care to be honest.  But, if someone gets a good laugh, the slightest chuckle, or even a faint smile for that matter, this will all be worth it [Mostly hoping for a ticket to Hollywood or at least a book deal]. 

So here's to being serious when you need to [Work, funerals, the DMV, etc] and to being funny when you want to [Yesterday, today, tomorrow, etc].  Thanks for reading. At this rate I'm well on my way to becoming almost famous.